Case Study: Crafting a headline hook for the sales page.

Here’s a case study that showcases our creative process for crafting the hook, highlighting the evolution, thought process, and final result.

Creating the right hook for a sales page is an art and science. It must grab attention, clearly identify the audience, promise a compelling benefit, and make the reader eager to learn more—all in just one sentence. All while using the fewest words possible, and making it comprehensible with just a glance.

Here's how we developed the headline for our course, with a working title of **“Sales Page Boost,”** designed specifically for online course creators.

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### **The Challenge**
We set out with a clear goal: craft a hook that would:
1. **Speak directly to creators of online courses.**
2. **Emphasize increasing revenue** (the primary desire of our audience).
3. Highlight that this improvement comes from **optimizing their existing sales page**, not through generating more leads or traffic.

We also wanted the tone to be **aspirational**, focusing on positive outcomes rather than pain points. The hook needed to feel actionable yet approachable—showing that a small refinement to their sales page could yield big results.

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### **The Evolution of the Hook**
We began by brainstorming several versions of the headline. Each draft taught us something about tone, sequencing, and word choice. Here are some key steps in the journey:

#### **Draft #1: “Creators of Online Courses: Fix Your Sales Page and Stop Leaking Revenue”**
- **Strengths**:
- Directly addressed the target audience and included “revenue” as the core benefit.
- The idea of “leaking revenue” created urgency.
- **Why We Refined It**:
- “Fix” felt a little negative—implying the sales page was broken, which could alienate some readers.
- “Leaking revenue” resonated but leaned slightly more into fear than aspiration.

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#### **Draft #2: “Stop Leaving Revenue on the Table—Polish Your Sales Page for Your Online Course”**
- **Strengths**:
- The phrase “polish your sales page” introduced a positive, actionable idea.
- Aspirational tone with “boost revenue” implied improvement.
- **Why We Refined It**:
- Starting with “stop” was still problem-focused rather than opportunity-driven.
- The sequencing of “leaving revenue on the table” felt too indirect compared to leading with “boost revenue.”

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#### **Draft #3: “Online Course Creators: Get More Revenue With the Traffic You Already Have”**
- **Strengths**:
- Highlighted the efficiency angle—more revenue without needing more traffic.
- Strong, actionable language resonated with the audience.
- **Why We Refined It**:
- “Get more revenue” felt a little generic.
- “With the traffic you already have” was clear but didn’t emphasize how this would be achieved.

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#### **Final Version: “Creators of Online Courses: Boost Your Revenue From Existing Traffic by Polishing Your Sales Page”**
- **Why This Works**:
- **Targeted Audience**: Starts with “Creators of Online Courses,” ensuring relevance.
- **Aspirational Lead**: “Boost Your Revenue” leads with the ultimate benefit, focusing on growth rather than problems.
- **Efficiency Focus**: “From Existing Traffic” reassures the reader they don’t need to spend more on ads or lead generation.
- **Actionable and Achievable**: “Polishing Your Sales Page” feels approachable, highlighting that small refinements can make a big impact.
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We went through many more possible drafts than just these three, but they show the primary evolutions and refinements as we tried different words and phrases to convey the core concepts.

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### **Core Concepts Applied**
1. **Speak to the Audience**: The hook immediately identifies who it’s for. There’s no ambiguity—if you’re not a creator of online courses, you know this isn’t for you.
2. **Lead With the Benefit**: We opened with the result—boosting revenue—because that’s the ultimate goal of the audience.
3. **Make It Actionable**: The word “polishing” implies a manageable improvement process, not a complete overhaul.
4. **Balance Aspiration and Efficiency**: By focusing on “existing traffic,” we appeal to course creators’ desire to work smarter, not harder.

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### **Key Takeaways**
Crafting a hook is a process of refinement. It still might not be the final version that you see on our published sales page. By considering the audience’s core desires, leading with the benefit, and using action-oriented language, we were able to create a hook that is both compelling and specific.

The final version reflects a clear and aspirational promise:
**“Creators of Online Courses: Boost Your Revenue From Existing Traffic by Polishing Your Sales Page.”**

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This headline didn’t just emerge fully formed—it was the result of testing ideas, applying core marketing principles, and keeping our audience’s desires front and center. It’s a great example of how the right words, in the right order, can make all the difference.

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Rex
Desert Sage AI
Scottsdale Arizona